Instead, by elementary school, I could be found with the boys in the dirt and gravel playing football, dodge ball, or kickball. Yes, I was that girl…the one who struggled to figure out which team to play with during recess. Coordination for jump rope was weak at best. Clearly, I didn't know what a herkie cheerleader jump was, let alone do one so I didn't venture over to the music building. And everyone knew the swings were lame after pre-school. So yes, give me a ball, some dirt, and let me duke it out with a bunch of stinky, cootie-spreading boys. I was right at home.
Yet, by the time I started experiencing all those horrid tales I'd read about in "Dear God, It's Me Margaret," I didn't know how to play with the boys anymore and didn't really care to (besides, they only wanted to "play" with the cute waifs with the best bangs and newest Keds). And I still couldn't do a herkie jump or execute those cheerleader hip gyrations that would decades later become the thorn in school districts' sides from coast to coast. Oh, I was still the athlete, but when it came time to solve a problem, deliver a little dose of silliness, or help mend a broken heart, I was your girl. I was like a one-woman pep squad ready to step in day or night to cheer up my friends. At this point, it was somewhat self-serving in that I could just be the bystander, matchmaker, counselor, and didn't have to participate in the dating game myself (not fully realizing until several years later that my first true love in high school was, in fact, also a varsity cheerleader).
As time marched on, I figured out which team I played for and my first love got married. But my own cheerleader role continued to grow. I assumed it everywhere—from the college dorm room and office boardroom to the living room of my own home. And in many ways, I still used it as an escape. As a way not to look at my own life, dreams, or desires because much like the role I assumed at an early point of life, I didn't feel truly deserving. So it was easier to push others to achieving their dreams and goals rather than explore what was stopping me from achieving my own (that would be me, myself, and I). In many ways, it was as if I'd put on this cloak of cheerleader to help me cope with my own shortcomings at life.
After years of trying to gently get my attention, by last year my higher self had finally had enough of my shenanigans. So she picked up my megaphone and whacked me right upside the head with it. Stunned and bewildered, I finally grasped that it was time for me to become my own cheerleader. Time to stop using that role as a way of escaping myself. Time to fully embrace my own good. Time to explore my own dreams. And time to begin the process of clearing out those years of self-defeating beliefs, thoughts, and actions.
Looking back over the past three decades, particularly this past year, I see now that being a cheerleader is what I'm here to do, part of my purpose. For years I thought that meant I was to become a massage therapist, coach, or personal trainer (all of which I contemplated since graduating from college). With each passing day, however, it's becoming clearer to me how this role of cheerleader is unfolding for me at this point in my life—inspiring and empowering others to more fully express their light through my writing, speaking, and teaching. Step by step, little by little, that's what is being revealed to me. And when I read my July forecast by Eric Frances, it was even more confirmation:
"There are many ways to find your niche in life, and this would seem to be your preoccupation at the moment. The service role you're seeking in your community appears to be some combination of healer and information specialist. This is not particularly easy, given that most people, despite what they may claim, don't actually want what helps them; they want what entertains them. Most don't want what they need; they want what they want. It is not up to you to personally turn the tide of Western civilization, though for the next few weeks you may feel that it is. Start on a scale you understand, which is definitely smaller than the scale you want to be working on. Rather than alienating people with your message, I suggest you seek allies in your community who are on the same basic wavelength as you are, and then let your community function be about leadership and coordination. As someone who possesses both passion and intelligence, you're the person with the best resume for the job. If you look at your long-term vision, in part based on your extensive experience and in part based on your stated goals, you'll see that this kind of involvement fits your agenda perfectly."
Earlier this week, my aunt and I launched the web site for our new business, Zeal 4 Life. We are still in the developmental phase of building the business and fine-tuning our vision, but we are both determined to spread hope, love, and joy through talks, training, books, and in other ways we have yet to imagine. For me, it's about reaching those people who are where I was for so many years—hiding behind a cloak of (fill in the blank) because they don't believe they deserve anything more. I am still working through many of my issues related to being deserving (among a host of others). So by no means do I have it all neatly sorted and cleared out. It's just that now I am consciously choosing this role and am fully embracing it out of a desire to help versus desperation to hide.
When I was a kid, my favorite time of the pep-rallies was when each grade would sit together and compete for the spirit stick. The drummers in high school band would pound their drums as we yelled from grade to grade, "We got spirit! Yes we do! We got spirit…how about you?"
It's funny because that cheer sums it up so perfectly: For me to be the most effective, loving, joyful cheerleader I can be for others (whether for my own partner, family, friends, colleagues, or strangers), I must first be willing to raise those pom-poms and nail that herkie jump for me. Because, I believe, only by renewing the love and joy within our own spirits can we find the strength to lift the megaphone and encourage others to do the same.
